When people think of what
could kill or destroy their love relationship, they see only one threat, the
involvement of a third party, the other man or the other woman.
Yes, indeed competition from
third parties could threaten a love relationship but that is not the greatest
threat or killer of love relationships. Indeed, in most cases, the third
parties become threats only because of the real killers of love relationships.
So let us look at the real threats and killers of love relationships.
1.
WORDS:
Hurtful
words, angry words and caustic words. We focus a lot on physical abuse but scarcely
give attention to verbal abuse. Physical abuse is a definite NO in a love
relationship but the change in it cause can often be healed. The damage from verbal abuse cannot be undone.
Caustic words cut deeper than any knife and cause more pain than the heaviest
blow. And yet, too many people just got angry and use caustic words not knowing
that they are causing permanent damage.
2.
NEGATIVE
ATTITUDE:
Haughty,
arrogant, selfish, domineering of manipulative attitude. Dealing with someone
with a negative attitude is hell. The real problem is that it is difficult to
let the other person see how much his/her negative is hurtful and eroding your
feelings for them.
3.
NEGATIVE
SELF IMAGE:
When
someone with negative self-image goes into a love relationship, he or she
punishes the one they claim to love. People with negative self-image are always
looking for signs that you don’t love them and when they don’t find any, they
invent them. They do not believe that anyone can really love them and so if you
say you love them then you are lying and it is their duty to express you as a
liar. They create situations to put you off and then they then turn around to
say they have the proof that you don’t love them as you say you do.
4.
POSSESSIVENESS:
A
possessive person gives no room for his/her beloved to breathe. They either
follow you everywhere or monitor every movement of yours or insist having detailed
report on everything you do, followed by inquisitional questioning.
Unfortunately to the immature person a possessive person seems like a very
lovely person. People admire couple who are found everywhere at every time. I
don’t think that is healthy for a love relationship it is often evidence of
possessiveness. Possessiveness kills a relationship by draining it of its
excitement and spontaneity. A possessive person imprisons his/her beloved and
stifles him/her on a daily bases. A possessive person is either emotionally
immature/insecure or emotionally damaged. Healthy love relationship are those
in which the individuals have space and room to breathe and to be.
5.
STAGNATION:
There
are people who have become stagnant in their lives. They are not growing
anymore; they are not improving themselves anymore, they don’t read or study
anymore and they are not expanding their horizons anymore. They are difficult
to relate to in a love relationship because they put so much strain on the
relationship. For instance if you are on the rise, they become very envious and
hostile to your advancement. Your progress threatens them.
6.
UNREALISTIC
EXPECTATION:
This
is a big killer of love relationships. We all go into relationships with some
expectations to the realities on the ground, we set ourselves up to destroy our
relationships.
7.
LACK
OF HUMILITY:
The
person who lacks humility has certain traits. For instance they find it
difficult to take corrections or advice. When you point at a mistake they have
made, they get defensive or hostile or nasty. They find it difficult to
apologize when they do something wrong and they find it difficult to show
appreciation. The expression thank you is not part of their vocabulary.
8.
NAGGING:
It
is nagging when you keep harping on something over and over. It is nagging when
you refuse to let bygones be bygones and you keep bringing up issues that have
already been dealt with. The bible says it is better to live on the corner of a
roof than in a house with a nag or a contentious woman.
9.
DISRESPECT:
People
can take a lot in a relationship as long as they feel respected but when they
feel disrespected on a regular basis, they just cannot cope with that. Unfortunately,
we seem to be losing the virtue of respect in our relationship with one
another. In a counselling, I found that disrespect is one of the most common
complains of both men and women in a relationship.
10.
LACK
OF COMMUNICATION:
Couples
now have more avenues to stay in touch. Mobile phones now make it possible for
us to call and text anytime anywhere. The internet makes it possible for us to
facebook, twitter, email and skype and yet couples are increasing feeling
alienated from each other; they are not communicating. Too many people in love
relationships feel that they are not understood; they are not giving the chance
to really share what is in their hearts.
11.
THE
NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF MODERN GADGETS
Modernity has brought a lot of gadgets to
make our lives easy. I am older than the internet and mobile phones and I look
back and wonder how we managed to live without the internet and mobile phones.
Unfortunately some of these gadgets have become killers of love relationships.
In my youth, when there were no internets and mobile phones, if you were angry
with your lover and you wanted to give it to them, you had to go and buy
writing pad and envelope. Then when you finish writing the letter, you had to
wait for the morning to come so you can board tro-tro to go to town and to
queue at a post office to buy a stamp and mail for at least one for the
recipient to receive it and another two weeks for the feedback. In most cases by the time you wake up in the
morning to go and post the letter, you would have thought through what you have
written and decided that the letter was so harsh and destroyed it and save your
relationship. These days I can’t taste my anger and indignation and hurt in
real time without and space to cool down. So a lot of love relationships are
being destroyed because of the same modern gadgets that have made our lives so
easy. They also make it easy to mess up.
12.
VALUES
Those
who don’t have the right values are threats to their own love
relationships. Where there is no
honesty, trust or faithfulness, it does not matter how much love and passion
there is, the relationship cannot last. These are twelve of the vicious killers
of a love relationship. Next time you are tempted to complain that your beloved
has changed, check and see if one of these did not kill your love.
Source:
Bensco’s magazine 2013/2014
Incredible Prince
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